Intro To Gold Digging 101
Posted: Monday, June 25, 2007
by Scot McKay - Dating Coach
X & Y Communications
All too often you overhear in conversation that someone—typically a woman—has been accused of being a “gold digger". Universally, the term carries a negative connotation, and is understood to mean that she who is the subject of such discussion is “in it for the money".
So why is this concept met with such invective from guys everywhere? That’s a great question, and I’m glad you asked.
1) Women who are just looking for $$$ out of a relationship are considered shallow. Does she not even care about the guy at all?
2) Women who are after a megabucks lifestyle courtesy of some guy are quite simply expressing an expectation that most “mere mortal" men can’t satisfy.
The net-net of it all is that men feel frustration and resentment towards women who portray this persona, hence the disdainful moniker of “gold digger" is pronounced upon them.
So lets talk about this. First, what can we learn from this phenomenon?
Well, you know me. We’re all about “chick whispering" around here. If men and women BOTH can understand and relate to what kind of emotions are generated here, we can all benefit from the discussion. So let me go ahead and throw it out on the table. Guys: You know that empty, almost disgusted feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you suspect that the woman you are seeing is only going out with you because you take her to fancy restaurants and buy her expensive gifts? Yeah, well…that’s EXACTLY how a woman feels when she suspects a guy is only interested in her as a sexual conquest.
Did that hit you like a ton of bricks? Maybe so.
But just for the sake of clarification, let’s level the playing field. Ladies: If you are prioritizing material gain in your dating life, you are NO DIFFERENT than the man who is singularly sex-focused.
Think about it. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are bent on selfish intent you are giving the people you date negative vibes. Typing that last statement, it seemed so obvious a concept to me. Yet, people everywhere have been known to habitually operate as such. Why? Because it works…sometimes. Or it least it would appear that way. The tragedy of it all is that whether you are a man or a woman, selfish manipulation really only succeeds in keeping around DESPERATE people who feel devoid of other options.
What do you know? Once again, people get what they deserve.
The questions then are twofold: If you are acting selfishly, are you really fulfilled by keeping someone desperate around who is merely capitulating to you? Or, if you are getting “used" by MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) on a regular basis, how long are you going to tolerate that, thinking that it’s simply ‘your lot in life’ or something to do so?
How about deserving what you want instead? To do that, you have got to show genuine concern and respect for others…especially people you are dating. The opposite of “shallowness" is “depth", and “depth"—by definition—can support a greater volume. Your dating life will indeed hold more if you begin to add depth to your relationships.
But let’s not end the conversation so quickly. Is it categorically wrong for a woman to want a man who can provide financially? For that matter, is it wrong for a man to desire sexual fulfillment?
It may or may not surprise you that there are plenty of guys out there with fat bank accounts who are PERFECTLY OKAY with the fact that a woman would be attracted to him, at least in part, specifically because he can provide financially. And given that women tend to have an archetypal disposition towards favoring men who are “providers", this is not surprising. Given that such men have no guilt or shame tied to being unable to offer such “provision", it’s all good…as long as the woman brings her portion to the relationship. If she doesn’t have an “entitlement" mentality and is happy to genuinely give her part to the relationship, then many men are in fact PROUD to pay a woman’s way. Ultimately, we ALL like to live the “good life" complete with lots of financial and sexual success, so simply having such desires isn’t bad at all. The caveat here, of course, is that if a man of means remains himself so shallow that he is only about leveraging his wallet for sex (indirectly, we hope), then he shouldn’t kvetch about “gold diggers".
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