Pretty Women Out Walking With Gorillas Down My Street
Posted: Monday, February 23, 2009
by Scot McKay - Dating Coach
X & Y Communications
"Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street
From my window I'm staring while my coffee grows cold
Look over there! (Where?)
There's a lady that I used to know
She's married now, or engaged, or something, so I am told
Is she really going out with him?
Is she really gonna take him home tonight?
'Cause if my eyes don't deceive me,
There's something going wrong around here"
--Joe Jackson ("Is She Really Going Out With Him", Look Sharp, 1978)
A few months ago I wrote to you about how we as guys have a tendency to believe women think like we do when it comes to attraction. Or more specifically, I guess you could say we tend to think women PROCESS attraction similarly to how we do.
For example, since we evaluate women as potential sexual partners based largely on physical appearance (at least initially), we assume women do also. Hence Joe Jackson's little "dilemma" above.
But the reality is what it is: Women really, truly don't want a guy who is "prettier" than they are. They want something else. And it's not what YOU want, necessarily.
Similarly, it's often not even what you WANT them to want, either. So sometimes, women end up with guys who just don't "compute" according to our way of thinking.
And that manner of assuming the entire world, be its inhabitants male or female really, thinks exactly like we do is a real killer.
Not only is it obviously arrogant to see things that way, it's flat-out shortsighted. It's just not the case.
I've described before how this phenomenon weaves it's way into our psyche and keeps us from success with women, but I'm still getting TONS of e-mails from guys who are still wrestling with the concept pretty hard.
You can argue reality, or you can get in step with it.
So it's time to face it: We just cannot hamfist a woman's feelings of attraction or otherwise. The floor is littered with the smashed dreams of guys who argue reality according to women.
Meanwhile, the women we desire can be out with the same guys we shake our heads at-and utterly thrilled with them.
In order to get a completely different perspective on all of this, today I'm going to give you the benefit of seeing what happens when a WOMAN thinks in this way. What does it look like when SHE considers men to process attraction the way she does?
This may finally clarify how all of this works.
To that end, let me share with you something that happened earlier this morning.
I got a call on Skype from a woman in Ireland who has just recently met a guy, and had a few questions.
They met, had what appeared to be a decent first date, and he has asked her out again.
Buthe has asked her a question via email since that has troubled her immensely. Offhandedly, he asked her what her interests and hobbies were.
Now the woman is very concerned, because she doesn't have "exciting, action-packed" hobbies. Further, she's worried that her ambitions and life-plan aren't going to be enough to impress this new guy.
In short, she's assuming that we as guys think like she does.
You see, women are wildly attracted to men with ambition, motivation and passiontypically manifested in a PLAN that makes a woman feel safe and secure, and which she can willingly hitch her wagon to.
So when the guy (who was probably just making small talk) asked the question he did, she automatically assumed HE was looking for the same answers SHE would be looking for.
But really, my guess was that he would be perfectly happy with sharing his exciting world with her, and welcoming her to some new and cool pastimes.
Ultimately, as I shared with her, her new friend was likely most interested in knowing that she was up for some exciting adventures along the way as opposed being reticent to join in the fun.
It was a huge burden off of her shoulders to know she didn't have to PROVIDE THE PLAN, or BE the source of those exciting adventures.
You may be rolling your eyes at this point.
Seriously, when was the last time YOU needed a woman to be a world-class skydiver or have a plan for world domination in her back pocket?
The answer is probably "never". In fact, we as guys usually would rather not have to deal with such "intimidating" factors.
We want to lead. We want women to approve of our plan and jump on the bandwagon with us.
And in the case of the woman I talked to this morning, the guy had ALREADY asked her out on a second date. She had succeeded at creating attraction.
For her, it's now time to go with the flow instead of (*ahem*) PRE-DISQUALIFYING herself based onwait for ither own assumptions that men process attraction the way she does.
Otherwise, she's talking herself out of success with men in a similar way we as guys talk ourselves out of success with women.
So yes. All of us-men and women alike-appear to be going around assuming that MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) are attracted to what they're attracted to.
Yet, at the same time men AND women also tend to consider the opposite gender "enigmatic", pronouncing the possibility of understanding members thereof "impossible".
So which is it? Do they think like we do, or are they "impossible" to figure out?
It can't be bothunless, of course, we haven't even figured OURSELVES out yet.
And let's face it. You've GOT to know what you want in a woman. You've got to put aside the obstacles of the past, recognize what your desires are and then deserve what you want.
Right now, you may be reading this article and realizing that I talk about things VERY differently than some other dating experts out there.
In fact, in the last three audio interviews I've done, the interviewer ended up saying the EXACT same thing in almost the same exact words. "You know McKay, you talk about this stuff in a way that nobody else really doesyet you make more sense."
Well, we aim to please around here.
Really, the issue is that understanding women and attracting them does not involve a bunch of high-tech mumbo-jumbo. It simply is a matter of finding out what women want from a great man, and REPRESENTING that to them.
The result? Great women in YOUR life.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Women might not tend to be as interested in looks as us, but that doesn't mean they never go for guys based on looks. I sometimes get women looking at me when I go out. It's just a pity that they think it's the "man's job" to approach them. They're happy to take on roles that were traditionally a male preserve, just not ones that are dirty, dangerous or where they risk rejection. I also think that no matter how much they like his personality, they won't go for someone they think is hideously ugly.
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