How To Compliment A Woman Without Looking Needy Or Desperate

OK, let’s say that you’ve either just met a woman or are meeting with her 1-on-1 for the first time (aka ”going on a date with her”).

Either way, for the purpose at hand let’s assume that she has already impressed your socks off.

In fact, you’re thinking to yourself that if you ever have the good fortune to see this woman naked you will have pretty much hit the jackpot…literally and figuratively.

So NOW WHAT?

More specifically, how do you conduct yourself? What should you say to her?

You know that if you talk about weather and politics you’ll come off as “neuter” and thereby FAIL at creating attraction.

So you’ve GOT to show her in some way that you’re interested in being MORE than “just a friend”.

The problem is that you may have been told somewhere along the line any (or all) of the following:

1. Make sure you knock her off her pedestal some by “negging” her.

1. Act indifferent toward her…so she’ll chase YOU instead of vice-versa.

And, of course, perhaps the most infamous strategy (or is that “stragedy”?) of all…

1. NEVER give a woman a compliment…ever.

Now listen. I fully understand the thought process behind each of those three tactics.

Sadly, most guys who are “newbies” when it comes to interacting with women tend to come off like desperate, starving puppies when confronted with a real, live opportunity to attract a hottie.

Such guys might start gushing about how beautiful the woman is to them, sort of like Enos always did to “Miss Daisy” in The Dukes Of Hazzard.

Or what’s arguably worse, they start bragging about anything and everything possible in a feeble attempt to “impress” her.

So sure…each of the three strategies above are intended to put an end to these basic destructive tendencies.

But at best, they’re “stop gap” measures.

Since there’s a lot of “grey area” in how best to create attraction, there are potentially troublesome issues with each.

If and when any or all of them become habit, you’ll soon find that the proverbial pendulum has swung the opposite way…and that’s not good.

Regarding #1 for example, what if she ISN’T exactly so “full of herself” and in fact doesn’t have the world’s most rock-solid self-esteem?

She could take what you say seriously, no matter how playful you are about saying it…and that would be counter-productive.

And yikers…MOST women aren’t exactly paragons of self-esteem, no matter how beautiful or generally sharp they are.

As for the second one, remember a woman is a human being just like you. (Really…I promise.)

Knowing that, how do YOU usually read someone who acts utterly disinterested in you? Thought so.

And the third one? Ask yourself if that’s what you REALLY want out of the interaction.

Are you the kind of man who honesty prefers to NEVER say something positive to a woman that might actually LIFT her less-than-perfect (read: normal and human) self-esteem?

Again, as a human being how excited would YOU be to hang out with a woman who NEVER, EVER acknowledged you looked good, were talented, or basically ever did anything right?

You and I both know that we as guys tend to show TONS of disdain for women who are like that.

And it’s equally safe to say that no woman is ever going to confuse a guy who offers ZERO approval of her for anyone who has her best interests at heart. You really can’t instill a sense of safety and security in her that way, can you?

So simply put, as you get better with women—as I trust you will—you’re going to want more effective ways to proceed.

Slapping a Band-Aid on the problem won’t cut it.

Now, as you’ve observed guys who appear to be doing well with women, I’m sure you’ve noticed something that might strike you as somewhat odd.

They actually give women compliments. There’s no denying it.

But here’s the amazing part. Contrary to what all the “newbie” guides you’ve read suggest, they actually GET SOMEWHERE with women by doing so.

In fact, some guys can give women all sorts of complimentary indicators of “approval” and still charm her to no end.

But wait, isn’t that sort of “nice” stuff supposed to fail miserably?

Not so fast.

“Mr. Nice Guy’s” problem is that he’s on his best behavior because he’s either TRYING to “impress” her or he’s worried about offending her and LOSING her.

Meanwhile, those guys you’ve seen out there who know what they’re doing are speaking to a woman what they TRULY think about her for COMPLETELY different reasons.

Usually, one such reason is that they are CONFIDENT that any woman in her right mind should find them inherently attractive.

Therefore, there’s no need to “impress” a woman. Compliments and other clear demonstrations of interest are honest and sort of matter-of-fact, actually.

But there’s another reason why giving women compliments works FOR these guys instead of AGAINST them.

Usually, guys who are effective with women give approval to them when they’ve expressly EARNED it.

In other words, there’s no “halo effect” when they interact with ANY woman. There’s no “pre-approval” of her as some sort of goddess or something.

Guys who are good at this stuff wait until they hear about how she donates her time to the homeless before telling her they’re “proud of her”.

Similarly, they wait until she has done her hair up in a special way just to go out on a date with him…and THEN they tell her how beautiful her hair looks.

Can you detect the very clear difference between what’s going on there and the “Staving Chihuahua Syndrome”?

To spell it out, the difference between NEEDY, DESPERATE compliments (or any needy, desperate attention, really) and the kind of attention women LIKE is very clear-cut.

Needy, desperate guys give women approval based on FEAR OF LOSS.

What they are actually seeking is HER APPROVAL of them. They are GIVING in order to GET.

This comes off as extraordinarily weak…not exactly becoming of a masculine man who is both a provider and a protector.

Meanwhile, where there is NO fear of loss, compliments come off as more heartfelt and genuine.

Because a man who is NOT desperate or needy is a chooser instead of a chaser, the woman tends to actually feel PRIVILEGED to hear a compliment from him. It means something to her.

Once again, let’s talk in “human” terms rather than “man vs. woman”.

What kind of approval means more to you? The kind that’s thrown at you out of desperation (which may even come off as manipulation, if you think about it), or the kind that is genuinely EARNED from someone who means it?

Thought so.

If a woman is beautiful and talented, she wants to hear it from you…but only after she knows you have a truly informed frame of reference.

And by the way, since women follow your lead, it’s especially crucial not to turn the “newbie” strategy of “never giving a woman compliments” into a lifetime habit.

Can you see why? That would be one miserable life together indeed.